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Health & Fitness

The Life of a Cynical Peach

I just can't focus...the slightest change in wind could set me flying in an entirely different direction...

I'm going to tell you another secret about myself. Are you ready? Shhh...okay. I have ADHD. Yep, that's it, that's the secret. No big deal right? Well in some ways that's right... in other ways it is a big deal. Usually when people think of someone with ADHD they picture that 8-year-old boy that can't sit still, the one climbing the walls of the classroom. But ADHD comes in many forms and for 50 percent of the children who have it, it will continue into adulthood.

Then there are people like me who've had it their entire life (its a pervasive developmental disorder, so it must be present in childhood to be diagnosed with it) but weren't diagnosed until adulthood. This can be even more troublesome because the disorder continues to grow and thrive without treatment until it becomes a major challenge in your life. I envy children who have gotten a diagnosis early on and are able to put the support they need in place when they are young.

So what happened- why did I slip through the cracks until I was older? It's a common phenomena actually, especially among girls and women as well as those who don't have the hyperactive component of the disorder (know as just ADD without the "H").  There are three 'subtypes' to ADHD - inattentive, impulsive and hyperactive. Usually it is the hyperactive and impulsive subtypes who are easily recognized as ADHD kids, while the inattentive types can go unnoticed for years.  I wasn't your typical ADHD kid in many ways- I was a girl. I was on the quiet side. I did well in school. But the elements of ADHD were there nonetheless, building and growing until they manifested in a major way when I was in college. It was only when I became an adult did the symptoms really become problematic in my life to the point where I sought a diagnosis. I actually didn't think what I had was ADHD- I thought maybe I was Bi-Polar, or that I had Asperger's or that I had a personality disorder. That's how overwhelming and disabling the symptoms can be - you imagine you have something much different than ADHD. It took me three different doctors before I received the testing necessary to diagnose ADHD in adults. 

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Some of the things that ADHD adults deal with that you might not attribute to ADHD include mood swings, self-esteem issues, anxiety and a sense of underachievement. These are in addition to the "normal" ADHD symptoms of distraction, impulsiveness, the inability to sit still, fidgeting and forgetfulness. They say that the part of the brain that regulates "executive functions" or the things that I just described above may also play a role in regulating mood - hence the mood swings. I know at times I can go from feeling happy and carefree to just minutes later feeling agitated and irritable. I never would have thought this was ADHD, but there you have it.

Self-esteem issues and anxiety are a natural consequence of ADHD. Think about it- you've gone your entire life being forgetful and unable to focus- you feel like there's something wrong with you. People are always telling you what you've done wrong or that you aren't living up to their expectations - how do you think you're going to feel? This goes hand in hand with a sense of underachievement. Many ADHD sufferers have high IQs, but the lack the organizational skills needed to succeed in school and certain jobs. I know I myself have bounced from job to job as an adult never really feeling prepared to handle any of them- that's ADHD. 

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Many ADHD adults are impulsive- saying things without thinking about them first, flying off the handle when criticized and engaging in impulsive behaviors such as gambling, compulsive shopping, drinking or using illegal drugs. My impulsive behaviors have had some very negative effects on my life- I've lost friends because of things I've said, I've been asked to leave places and organizations because of inappropriate anger outbursts  and I've gotten myself into some debt because of impulsive shopping. Thankfully, there are treatments for ADHD. While there is no cure, it is a lifelong disorder, there are ways to manage the symptoms and overcome the challenges.

The most important step I took in beginning to overcome my ADHD was getting a proper diagnosis. I wasn't diagnosed until very recently and before I was I felt like I was a dandelion seed floating in the sky with no sense of direction. The slightest change in wind could set me flying in an entirely different direction or could change my mood. Once I completed the testing and had my diagnosis I started working with a therapist on organizational skills- tricks to help me keep my life organized and help me stay on track. It has made a world of difference. I also started on a stimulant medication. Stimulants are medications for people with ADHD to help with the symptoms of ADHD- its kind of like a lubricant for your brain. Before the medication your gears are rusty and unpredictable- the medication greases them up and allows them to run more smoothly. With my medication I am able to focus and accomplish things that once seemed impossible. It makes the world and life feel less overwhelming. I am able to prioritize and it calms down the impulsiveness that comes with ADHD.

While ADHD often has a negative stigma associated with it, as do stimulant medications such as Ritalin and Adderall, I can honestly say that my diagnosis and my medication have saved my life and changed it for the better. I am not ashamed or embarrassed to have ADHD - I am proud to know what makes me who I am and how I can work with it, not against it, to achieve my goals.

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